Pastor Melissa Scott’s Surprise!

Thomas Aquinas, John Wycliffe, Jan Has, Martin Luther

Thomas Aquinas, John Wycliffe, Jan Has, Martin Luther

This Sunday Pastor Melissa Scott returned to the book of Romans. Some of you may remember when Dr. Gene Scott began his teaching on Romans, and to paraphrase, he announced that the Romans teaching would sort out the congregation. Previously, Dr. Scott had been doing a lot of teaching on the book of Revelation, the Lost Tribes, the Pyramids, and other provocative topics — decades ahead of his time and long before the History Channel and Discovery Channel started covering them. However, Dr. Scott discerned that a sizable number of people in the congregation were solely there to have their intellects tickled, so by changing course and delving in deep into the book of Romans, he knew would be able to sort out who was actually there to learn God’s Word.

Kind of ironic that now in the present day, with a few vocal Dr. Scott groupies and a litany of other cry babies resurfacing on the internet, whining for Pastor Scott to release more of Dr. Scott’s old tapes on the titillating topics of yesteryear, Pastor Scott has decided to return to the solid, foundational Christian teaching in the book of Romans. And once again, it is sure to sort out the congregation.

So, is that the big surprise? Not exactly. In the previous weeks, Pastor Melissa Scott has been delving into church history. Using her marker board, Pastor Scott put on an amazing display and exhibition of her knowledge of the founding fathers without once consulting her notes. Some of the personas covered were Thomas Aquinas and the errors of his humanistic doctrine as well as the heroic contributions to the faith made by early Protestant reformers, John Wycliffe from England, Jan Hus from Bohemia (modern-day Czech Republic) and Martin Luther from Germany.

After Sunday service on May 24th, she unveiled the big surprise! So, what is the big surprise? Well, I could tell you or I could dangle it… And since I know that many of you fringe members in the Southern California area spend your Sundays drinking beer and watching sports, or you attend your local yokel neighborhood community church instead of making the trip to Glendale where you get your real teaching, I think I’ll dangle it. Is the surprise cool? Yes. Is it amazing? Yes. That I can promise you. But, if you want to see what the big surprise is, you’ll have to haul your lazy a$$ to Faith Center just like I do every Sunday.

Now, for those living out of state or the poor bed-ridden souls who really can’t make it to church, I suppose I can give you some hints. But rather than giving you hints about what you would see after service, I’ll give you some hints about what you WON’T see with a little game. Write down your answers and then compare it to the answer at the bottom of the page. Again, try and guess what you WON’T see at the big surprise:

a) A white-suited plagiarist hearing voices from God
b) A rogue usher selling indulgences to spring your relatives out of purgatory
c) A gimp chained to the ceiling
d) A new Starbucks counter where you can hang out and gossip about the other congregants
e) A free book on “How To Live Your Best Life Now!”
(Free, that is, with a love gift of not less than $20 and subjecting your credit card info to plenty of upsells)
f) All Of The Above

Stand on your head to find out the answer below:

all of the above

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